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日志


2006/12/6

Da Chami is back!

I am back!:D
 
Just returned from a special international retreat in Thailand.  With so much learned and gained, I feel like a brand new soul!
 
I remember the hectic sweat and stress weathered.
 
I remember the love and peace and the treasure that came hither, after some labor.
 
I remember being immersed in the warm, loving water by the sea shore, under the tenderly cloudy sky, with ray beams seeping through the edges.
 
Palm trees (or were they coconut trees?) swaying and clear water lulling, by the pool side I recited the gift I've received. 
 
The stars of Orion's belt once again shone for me above the veranda, reminding me of the vast greatness beyond.
 
It's also good to be back, to share what the above is meant for.0:)
2006/7/23

Y! Diary Jul 23, 2006

2006/07/23 得意的笑 Had "vegetarian internationale" for dinner tonight with some international friends--a few friends who have similar backgrounds to mine and German visitors who traveled far and now exploring Taiwan.

After a enjoyable movie together, we headed to a very cozy vegetarian cafe we know, and were pleasantly surprised with their revamped menu which included saliva-inducing items which we ordered:

Steamed dumplings (Chinese)
Pineapple fried rice (Chinese)
Hot and sour noodles (Chinese)
Tong-yum hot pot x 2 (Thai)
Veggie fajitas (Mexican)
Curry stir-fried noodles (Indian-Chinese)
French fries (American)

We chatted and learned about somethings each of us learned about food and customs in different countries. Full and satisfied, we all then shared a cab and parted this the peaceful evening.

Y! Diary Jul 16, 19, 2006

2006/07/19 得意的笑 Over! It's finally over! Another nerve-racking, small-size-big-meaning-with-a-tight-budget company event took place last night, with quite an amazing turn out for the content and positive feedback, considering what the other colleagues and I have been able and not able to muster for the program. It was interesting to watch the goers, how they behaved in such a setting. So glad to have had this opportunity to learn from doing, and to have gotten to know my nice co-workers better--Master, thank You. Imperfections were there, and I shall know better next time.

So proud and impossibly honoured, being Her disciple. I love You, Master! I shall honour Thee. (The Supreme Master Ching Hai, a universal humanitarian with a non-stop quest for global spiritual/living harmony and enlightenment)

 
2006/07/16 得意的笑 Halo~

The last week was very, very, interesting.

Especially Thursday, when events (personal, work, and spiritual!) have pushed things to a caotic point, and resulted in some clarity gained. I was surprised of some the outcome, and am amazed at realizing the grander purpose of such happenings...

Boss gave me a few words of encouragement. Very grateful, and should reflect to make better changes.

Went to a wedding last night, and though at first felt out of place (because I didn't know many people there), the wedding/reception was beautiful, loving, and the opportunity allowed me to get to know better a girl friend who accompanied me and some other acquaintances who I didn't really know well. We had meaningful conversations afterwards--very grateful, and comforted by the Big One above.

Looking forward to be stronger, wiser, and see with better clarity.
2006/6/28

For the poor stray animals!

傑佛瑞.麥森:「狗是唯一愛你甚過於你愛自己的生物」
 
臺北縣照顧生命協會本著「人間有慈濟,狗狗有照生會」,把失去的互相依賴的情懷找回來,讓狗狗受到基本照顧而活下去,提倡 ( 照顧狗狗之生存權利和生存之尊嚴 ) 之理念,來解決目前因不法之不人道的捕殺及沒有尊嚴之任意繁殖及買賣與丟棄之問題。
在現今社會中救助狗狗貓貓的協會卻少了可憐,更慘的是牠們不會說話更沒有選票,致沒有救助的價值!
 
狗,一向被視為 ( 人類的最好的朋友 ),尤其以愛心照顧牠時,牠將以更大的愛心來回報飼主,足見,狗是最能理解人心的動物,但您相信傷害牠們最深的竟是我們人類,牠的最好的朋友,您願意幫助我們成立協會,為狗狗儘一份心力嗎!任何生命本應無價,更無分誰貴與賤,尤其是孤獨及弱勢的生命及受虐的可憐流浪狗,都應得到應有的照顧及尊重。
 
照生會為了要讓這群可憐的狗狗能儘快找到愛牠的爸爸媽媽,照生會一路走來堅持全天候24H,全年無休,讓想養狗的上班族也能在下班或假日來認養,願照生會的犧牲能有所價值,更希望大家能用捐款方式,您願意支持我們走下去麻,您願意一同來救助不能言語卻全身充滿著言語的小生命,謝謝。
慶祝 - 照生會流浪狗義賣店全新開幕,當您在疼愛您的小寶貝時,可曾想過還有許許多多的流浪狗沒有東西吃!現只要您贊助跟本網站羲買寵物用品與飼料,便會將本網站所得,全用在幫助流浪狗與任何勢待救助的小生命上,不需多付錢,只需您那份慈悲的心,您願意嗎!任何生命本應無價,更無分誰貴與賤,尤其是孤獨及弱勢的生命及受虐的可憐流浪狗,都應得到應有的照顧及尊重。
PS.本網站純為公益義賣性質,並將本網站義賣所得,全用在幫助流浪狗與任何弱勢待救助的小生命上,絕不涉及任何營利與不法之用途。
 
服務電話:8261-0819 傳真:8261-0582
協會會址:236臺北縣土城市永豐路255巷21弄2號之1
臺北縣照顧生命協會-
http://www.13145057.com/
郵政劃撥:19934611,戶名:臺北縣照顧生命協會
ATM 捐款:012 帳號:6812-2159-2627
縣政府核發立案證號:北府社團字第 0940584786 號
統一編號:49879032 ( 本協會已完成104查號台登錄 )
常務理事 阿虎:
tiger03_168@yahoo.com.tw
2006/6/20

Chamie's load of Y! diaries

 
 
2006/06/13 得意的笑 Busy! Tired! Happy! Don't have much time yet to reply to messages...but will do!

Sharing some beautiful words I've read recently:

"你的愛可以喚醒對方的愛 使它從沉睡中醒來 但是你的愛無法跟人交換 無法滿足對方的空虛 當然 對方的愛也是如此 沒有人能滿足你 你必須找到自己心中的愛"--"愛 是一切的答案", by Barbara De Angelis, PhD.

You are cordially invited, to wallow in my Ocean of Love... Solace amidst the Sea of Silence.--Chamie
 
2006/05/31 得意的笑 跟好朋友看了電影"王的男人"

劇本意涵 演出 和 配樂 超乎想像中的好 盪氣迴腸

張生對孔吉的細膩 呵護 誤解 到失明後的豁達
孔吉的美麗 對燕山暴君的善解慈悲(天啊 拭淚的那一幕) 和無奈 及兩人對來世的期許 令人心酸 淚流不止 感動好久 好久
 
2006/05/28 得意的笑 女詩人 終於survived last week. The big event hosted by our team was over on friday, even though a little caotic right before the ceremony (with my boss yelling, co-workers all nervous and running around like chickens with their heads cut off...well, not all of them), and me almost dying with stress and physical pain, we all survived the event.

I am so grateful to all of my colleagues who helped, and came up with superb ideas, material, and took care of so many last minute details. I don't know how we pulled it all together, but we did.

Lessons were learned. Better planning, better execution, and better interpersonal relationships.

Rest needed, I am going on dive for a few days. Will reconnect~
 
2006/05/19 得意的笑 《入楞伽經》卷八

Quote from: 子路★堅持護法★不屈服

復次,《入楞伽經》卷八︰
「佛言。大慧。羅剎惡鬼常食肉者。聞我所說尚發慈心捨肉不食。況我弟子行善法者當聽食肉。

【若食肉者。當知即是眾生大怨斷我聖種】。

大慧。若我弟子聞我所說。不諦觀察而食肉者。當知即是旃陀羅種。非我弟子我非其師。是故大慧。

【若欲與我作眷屬者。一切諸肉悉不應食】」

羅剎這一類的眾生喜食肉類,一旦歸依 佛門,尚且捨肉不食。何況身為人類,更應吃素才對啊!

 
2006/05/14 得意的笑 Happy Mother's Day, of course!

Already talked to my mommy yesterday. Also talked to my grandmother and an aunt who I have good conversations with.

Thanking the big mama above, for giving us our mamas so we can exist, grow, and learn in this world.
 
2006/05/12 得意的笑 A friend is contemplating divorce, and became melancholic. The dilemma is that the wife is on a career high, and doesn't want to devote much time to family right now. Though she may think she doesn't want family in her way right now, but it can't be always--I've so comforted my friend. Perhaps he just needs to sacrifice himself a little bit for her this time, until better times come. He told me he also did the same thing to her earlier with his career...sigh, then aren't couples supposed to give and take, and support each other?

What happened to the sacred meaning of marriage? It's not just a piece of paper, not just a legal process, not just an impulse based on the flighty emotion driven by hormones, but a noble commitment to love and cherish another person who becomes and makes your family, for better and worse, during a lifetime?
 
2006/05/06 得意的笑 What a great day today~

During a wonderful lunch with nice friends, we chatted and laughed at one another's words, and then went to see a belly dancing performance on the fly. Though the different groups performing weren't professionals, wow is all I could say about the beauty of such sometimes wild, sometimes tender, and all the time mesmerizing movements that a woman can make, and how sexy! 我也要學 我也要學! The exotic music certainly helped bring out the enchanting factor in the womanly torso movements...

One of the sessions was performed by a few little girls, though too young to be dancing in this fashion, their cute dance routine won them warm applauses.

Then rushed to the new Eslite bookstore to get a book before rushing home to get things done...mission accomplished!
 
2006/05/02 得意的笑 非常期待 洛神賦 The Lyric for Lo River Goddess

今天見到DM中的戲服 妝 飄逸絕美 驚豔! 好個張叔平和連士良(以前差點跑去跟他學妝)

認識漢唐樂府團員 榮幸

與德 法國合作 台灣之後 將至法國巡演 

雲門舞集Cloud Gate 漢唐樂府The Han-Tang Yuefu 台灣傳統與現代藝術之光 傲耀國際! 

國家戲劇院 五月
At the National Theatre May 2006

Thank you very much for all the gifts, and I'll try to reply. Life's been overwhelming lately. I hope I will get through your messages soon~ Have a great week.
 
2006/04/17 得意的笑 Yesterday was Easter day...a day to observe the Passing of Jesus Christ.

"The Passion of Christ" was aired with new editing, and still ever impactful. When I saw the movie in the theatre during its release, there wasn't one viewer whose eyes were dry in the audience. I had a co-worker who came into work still teary-eyed the next day after viewing the film.

Mel Gibson was indeed divinely inspired. I heard they prayed a lot during the film making, while facing some obstacles. What a great feat achieved in material Hollywood...感念偉大的 Messiah 為無明世人承擔受難 as we don't seem to be worthy of such unconditional love and redemption.
 
2006/04/11 得意的笑 Halo! (Will use "halo" instead of "hello" from now on...halo to me is a more beautiful looking word )

So busy and tired...but surviving~

Went to a retreat on the weekend, in the mountains, to regain my serenity...

Went to get some necessities and the Notre Dame de Paris CD set today (as promised by me to also lend to a friend)! Also got the Snow Wolf Lake DVD--arrrrgh, such good music/performance but got no time to enjoy them!

Some great quality performances/museum exhibits are coming up in Taipei! Can't wait can't wait can't wait!
2006/04/03 得意的笑 3/30 晚又去看了Notre Dame de Paris 第二次! 上次坐第二排這次坐第五排 也很棒! 終得悠哉的從序曲到謝幕細細品味 如癡如醉...也如願於謝幕時對如此感人賣力演出報以熱烈standing ovation! Yeh!

竟也首次當起追星族 興奮的排長隊後補等簽名 and waited for more than one hour 雖結果沒等到(因演員們折騰了一夜用力表演又簽名) 但也樂於與同好share 那份對優秀表演藝術的高潮感動 並近距離一睹這些才華洋溢又亮眼演員的風采! 這次是另一組演員 但也好棒 演詩人的那位無論歌聲 唱功 外型都更搶眼!

其他一些未後補到的觀眾對活動單位抗議 因實在可以早一點告知後補不到 但體諒到團員們已疲憊不堪--我已經很滿足啦!
 
2006/04/02 得意的笑 Went to the mountains and meditated in the bamboo forest today, and then spent time with some really nice friends...got a little sweaty, but what a happy day!

Good night!
 
2006/03/26 得意的笑 Still super busy! But I read all of your messages, and will reply this week! Thank you for your patience.

Notre Dame de Paris! 鐘樓怪人在小巨蛋 團員演出熱力 淒美宏觀的詩歌 令人動容噙淚 讚啦! 因趕時間 謝幕一開始就得飆離巨蛋 遺憾未能對賣力演出的團員報以歡呼及standing ovation, 好想哭!

I have so many things to share, just wait!
 
2006/03/16 得意的笑 Busy! Busy! Super busy!

Will try and be
 
2006/03/01 得意的笑

 
2006/02/20 得意的笑 A very nice new friend sent those beautiful words to me, and here they are for sharing:

當我們捧一束花送別人
最先聞到花香的是自己
當我們抓把土丟向別人
首先弄髒手的也是自己
人生
不是得到
就是學到

 
2006/02/13 得意的笑 Happy Valentine's Day!
還未找到那個對的情人 還是很快樂耶~
得花點時間用點心回留言囉
某天 那個循著我們某世良緣印跡而臨的良人會來至我面前~

Let's share some beautiful songs like this one~

"Valentine"--Martina McBride

if there were no words
no way to speak
i would still hear you
if there were no tears
no way to feel inside
i'd still feel for you

and even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart until the end of time
you're all i need, my love, my Valentine.

all of my life
i have been waiting for
all you give to me
you've opened my eyes
and shown me how to love unselfishly

i've dreamed of this a thousand times before
in my dreams i couldn't love you more
i will give you my heart
until the end of time
'cause all i need is you, my Valentine
you're all i need, my love, my Valentine~
 
2006/02/09 得意的笑 留言多了些 不得已得更加有選擇的回覆... 如果無法回覆只能對您說聲抱歉了

許多 無論留言是爆笑得令我大笑開懷的 美麗得激起我浪漫心情的 獻上關懷令我倍感溫暖的 或 具智慧質感讓我開擴眼界的

謙謙君子們 真的謝謝~

容我分享 我對 "生命的答案 水知道" (江本 勝博士著) 這本書的感想

江本說 所有拍攝出來的水結晶中 最美麗的 是愛 感謝的綜合

愛 是給予
感謝 是接受
無條件的施 與 充滿感謝的受 與 陰陽 宇宙被造的一切運作 是如此完美呼應啊 顯然真理是最美的~
一天八杯 愛與感恩
一點一滴 常保青春
 
2006/02/07 得意的笑
 
2006/02/03 得意的笑 I am back from new year vacation~ I'll have to take some time to reply to the messages...

Wahaha this is so funny and true!
I am sure, no matter for a man or a woman, that these things are essential in keeping a good relationship...for 值得被寵愛的人,無論是男人或女人

摘自《我家有一隻河東獅-柳月娥十戒》     

「從現在開始你只許疼我一個人,

要寵我 不能騙我,

答應我的每一件事都要做到
 
對我說得每一句話都要真心
 
不許欺負我,罵我
 
要相信我  

别人欺負我,你要在第一時間出來幫我  

我開心了,你就要陪着我開心  

我不開心了,你就要哄我開心  

永遠都要記得我是最漂亮的  

夢裏也要想到我,在你的心裏面只~ 有~ 我~!」
2006/5/29

Dear FGB,

Here they are. 
 
You saw diverse facets of me and evoked them when I was least aware of their existence and appearance.  I am forever grateful for, and changed by one of my dearest friends, you, even though I was reserved with my words, when you had to part. 
 
 
I was very moved when you also deemed me a true friend (felt I was knighted, haha)--it was always something I knew I can be to someones, but even better, verbalized by someone who rides on the spiritual tide along with me.  If I am really any bit of what you said I am, then it is simply a reflection of you.  So warmed to have that shared notion--the tide, shall timely arrive the other shore.
 
 
No matter, these are for you.  Wherever you are, my number one image maker, and audience.
 
WMB,
C
2006/1/27

Cham's Daily Notion--Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Happy Chinese New Year to you all!
 
 
今天心情好好哦~
 
希望看到我的版的人也都能快快樂樂的過年!
 
要大掃除喔 舊的不去新的不來~
 
要少肉多菜 醫生的建議要遵守呦~
2006/1/23

Cham's Daily Notion--哦? 壞男生?

January 23, 2006 by Chamie
 
有朋友又遇到壞男生
 
我關心的問:  此話怎講?  何謂壞? 何種壞?
 
她說: 此人一副 "弱水三千 而我只取一瓢飲" 的至情 但理性local gentleman樣
 
其實就是 "眼光還在網上飄 把妹有不留痕跡的習慣 且言行不一" 的同義詞
 
嘴巴一直說喜歡她要追求她要談戀愛 卻還在搞"曖昧 讓人受盡委屈~"的橋段
 
而她實在實在沒興趣沒時間陪他玩這種無聊幼稚園的遊戲
 
我道: ㄟ 我以前教幼稚園小孩玩遊戲不覺得無聊啊 因為他們都好崇拜我喔 Oh sorry! 岔開了岔開了... (她瞪眼)
 
"有種就豁出去猛一點全部下單注 和我一起賭 現在的男人 肩膀都掉到哪兒去了? "
她不禁嘆...
 
不過 她這次很快就看清楚 自己已經是比以前冷靜理性多了
 
"有進步有進步! " 我由衷的讚嘆著...   
 
還有 我很盡一針見血的天蠍本份 請她參考 "其實他沒那麼喜歡妳" 這本 慾望城市編劇著的寶書...
 
在她要搥過來和我絕交之前
我酷然道: "不我們 還是要對愛 和好男人保持希望滴! 加油!"
 
 
 
為何最近有男生還沒搞清楚狀況 就自己對號入座了呢?
 
Interesting...值得思考思考...
2006/1/10

小轉念 大轉變

2006-1-10 by Chamie

今晨 一位其他部門的主管來電欲尋我老闆 而他剛好走離了辦公室我便機械般熟練而稱職的告知她是否需留言 另請老闆回話

 

平日給我專業幹練印象的她 竟有些情緒化的 但還是用挺專業的聲音對我直接開火抱怨 她對我老闆以往的回話經驗 或者說 她”覺得我家老闆”好像”只有在需要她們那邊的”協助”時 才會找她們或有所回應

 

一霎那 時間彷彿靜止 我腦中竄過好幾個意念: 一些是感覺 一些是頭腦程式般的指令 一些是彷彿直覺的聲音—

它們通通都想爭第一成為我立即行動的反應

 

一直是個太不食人間煙火的人 個性內向又自我 常常有些不屬於地球的舉動和念頭 做人 我還淺的很 有時 我想我明白我為何會被上帝放到這個位置 我該更懂得去觀察 和執行人與人之間的應對進退 或許 這件小事 是上帝讓我可以瞭解危機轉契機的考驗

這位主管的如此反常 其實有些歸咎於辦公室政治前因後果的細節

 

先說感覺

我感到驚訝 疑惑 但我沒有生氣 (進步了yeh! 拍拍自己的背 嘻)

 

然後

通常頭腦應該會告訴你 冷靜 再冷酷回應 畢竟 你只是接到電話的人 恩怨的“朱門”不必踏進一步 只要敷衍應付 老闆有他的路 或

如果你危恐天下不亂 而也趁機拍馬老闆 喔 這是個幫老闆報”酬”的好機會 可以當下藉口替老闆來個光明正大的對罵 代表忠心不晚 順便出出當替死箭靶的怨氣 當然 這要和老闆是不是夠”犀牛”(senior)有關

 

但是最終

我知道我最想要的 就是學習用我所曉得最圓滿的方法去做最好的事

這裡面要包含貼在我老闆office 牆上王文華提到的”職場溫暖”

我不想只是用既定的負面習慣運作 因為無論怎麼分析 都只會導致最後負面結果而已 畢竟老闆待我不錯滴

 

我要 re-program.

我深深感到 只有聽從我靈魂主人的指示 才能使我覺得 每天可以過的有價值

 

接著畫面解凍

我先以溫柔委婉的安慰語言 對她報以我的同情 了解 和抱歉:

“I am sorry that you feel this way, and I will try my best, to make sure he calls you back, okay?”

她悻悻然掛上了電話

 

我也不確定這樣做是不是最對 至少 她可以暫時少些對老闆的怨懟

老闆回來了 我告訴他那位主管來電 提醒他”務必回話” 就回我座位

 

明快 做事高效率的老闆 可能以為緊要 馬上拿起話筒 我在外面聽著 知道人他沒找到 也沒留言就掛

我突然了解我可以怎麼說了 就又進去問他: 您有回話嗎

他說: 有啊 不在

我微笑說: You might want to leave her a message. 

他說: why? 有說什麼急事嗎

我苦笑說: She didn’t mention it, but, she did express “a little” concern that you don’t call her back.

 

其實這中間的恩怨老闆自己心知肚明 我也不用多說

老闆就又再打電話留了言給剛剛找不到的那位主管 我以為這事已結束 繼續事後諸葛亮的想著 會不會老闆這個不留言的習慣 也不免造成一些其他時候不必要的誤會?

 

Surprise, surprise. 下午老闆off-site meeting去 那位主管回老闆電話 我接著了

她燦爛笑說: 跟你一說 他就有回電真是謝謝妳了

我心底有譜 趕忙說: 唉 這其實是個誤會老闆常有回電但不留言的習慣 所以…

她繼續燦爛笑說: 對啊 但我們都會有既成的 impression, 還是留言讓人家知道一下比較好啦

她開朗而專業的結束了這通電話

 

我心想 聰明如我老闆 他應該也有被提醒 尤其在一個女性賀爾蒙多於男性的環境 多一份貼心的小舉動 跟感情領域的經營一樣 其實是遠謀深算的尊重 和有絕對報酬率的投資 而速戰速決的效益之外 給人的感覺印象也很重要吧 

當然…除非他是故意的!

2006/1/9

New Year Resolutions! 新年新願景!

Meditate more
禪坐更多
 
Nurture my health and discipline related routines
把身體照顧好 早睡早起
 
Exert undivided attention on anything I do
做任何事更加專注
 
Be more precise, efficient and determined on certain things
做某些事更精準 有效率 魄力
 
Better manage quality friendships
經營高品質友誼
 
Better manage family relationships
經營家庭親屬關係品質
 
Continue being hopeful and extend necessary effort towards love
持續對愛保有希望和該有的努力
 
Squeeze out more writing in Chinese
努力擠出更多中文作品
 
Be at peace with and harmonize my mutiple personalities
統馭我(們)的多重人格 和平共存
 
 
 
2006/1/4

用紐約來過白天,用巴黎來過黑夜Seize the day like New York. Prize the night like Paris

王文華/文

我在趕些什麼?我耗盡青春用盡全力,拼命追求身外之物,結果我真的比別人有錢、有名嗎?更重要的,我真的因此而快樂嗎?遠方有廣闊的地平線,為何我還在原地搖過時的呼拉圈?紐約和巴黎,代表了我人生的兩個面向。紐約是白天,巴黎是黑夜。紐約是前半生,巴黎是下半場。
 
三十五歲之前,我認定紐約是世上最棒的城市。我在加州念研究所,畢業後迫不及待地去紐約工作。一做五年,快樂似神仙。我愛紐約的原因跟很多人一樣:她是二十世紀以來世界文化的中心。豐富、方便。靠著地鐵和計程車,你可以穿越時間,前後各跑數百年。人類最新和最舊、最好和最壞的東西,紐約都看得見。所以在紐約時,我把握每分每秒去體會。白天,我在金融機構做事,一天十小時。晚上下了班,去NYU學電影,一坐四小時。在那二十多歲的年紀,忙碌是唯一有意義的生活方式。活著,就是要把自己榨乾,把自己居住的城市,內外翻轉過來。
 
這種想法並不是到紐約才有的。其實從小開始,台灣人就過著紐約生活。紐約生活,充滿新教徒的打拚精神和資本主義的求勝意志。相信人要藉著不斷努力,克服萬難、打敗競爭。活著的目的,是更大、更多、更富裕、更有名。權力與財富,是紐約人的兩個上帝。而能幫你走進天堂的鞋,就是事業、事業、事業。
 
在這種弱肉強食的生活方式,為了保持領先,每個人都在趕時間、搶資源。進了電梯,明明已經按了樓層的鈕,那燈也亮了,偏偏還要再按幾下,彷彿這樣就可以快一點。出了公司,明明已經下班了,卻還要不停講手機,搖控每一個環節。在紐約,為達目的,可以不擇手段,甚至趕盡殺絕。在紐約,沒有壞人,只有失敗者。
 
台灣,是不是也變成這樣?
每一件事,都變成工作。上班當然是工作,下班後的應酬也是工作。有人談戀愛是在工作,甚至到酒店喝酒、KTV狂歡,臉上都殺氣騰騰,準備拚個你死我活。

我曾熱烈擁抱這種生活,並著迷於這種因為燒烤成功而冒出的焦慮。這種焦慮讓我坐在椅子邊緣,以便迅速地跳起來閃躲明槍暗箭。這種警覺性讓我練就了酒量和膽量、抗壓性和厚臉皮。但也養成了偏執和倔強、優越感和勢利眼。在紐約時我深信:能在這裡活下來的,都是可敬的對手。黯然離開的,統統是輸家。人生任何事,絕對要堅持到底。半途而廢的,必定有隱疾。在這不睡的城市,每天我醒來,帶著人定勝天的活力,跟著法蘭克辛納屈唱〈紐約‧紐約〉:「如果你能在紐約成功,你可以在任何地方成功!」是的,在紐約,現代的羅馬競技場,我要和別人,以及自己,比出高低。
這套想法,在我三十五歲以後,慢慢改變。
 
第一件動搖我想法的,是父親的過世。我父親一生奉公守法、與人為善。毫無不良嗜好,身體健康地像城堡。七十二歲時,他得了癌症、引發中風,經歷了所有的痛苦和羞辱。他一生辛勤工作、努力存錢、堅信現在的苦可以換得更好的明天。我們也相信一分耕耘、一分收穫,用在紐約拚事業的精神照顧他。但兩年的治療兵敗如山倒,最後他還是走了。父親逝世的那天,我的價值系統崩潰了。我一路走來引以為傲的「紐約精神」,沒想到這麼脆弱。
 
不止在病床,也在職場。當我在企業越爬越高,才發現「資本主義」在職場中也未必靈驗。上過班的都知道,很少公司真的是「開放市場」、「公平競爭」。大部分的同事都覺得你不是朋友、就是敵人。職場上偉大的,未必會成功。成功的,有時很渺小。很多人一輩子為公司鞠躬盡瘁,最後得到一支紀念筆。那些捲款潛逃的,反而變成傳奇。
 
慢慢的,我體會到:世上有一種比「善有善報、惡有惡報」更高、更複雜的公平。人生有另一種比「功成名就」更幽微、更持久的樂趣。那是衝衝衝的美式資本主義,所無法解釋的。
我能在哪裏找到那種公平和樂趣呢?我想過西藏、不丹、非洲、紐西蘭。然後,我注意到法國。
住紐約時,法國是嘲諷的對象。身為經濟、科技、和軍事強權的美國,談起法國總是忍不住調侃一番。法國是沒落的貴族,值得崇拜的人都已作古。法國人傲慢,高稅率讓每個人都很慵懶。動不動就罷工,連酒莊主人都要走上街頭。
 
搬回台灣後,普羅旺斯、托斯卡尼突然流行。我看了法蘭西斯‧梅思的《美麗的托斯卡尼》,其中一句話打動了我:「在加州,時間像呼拉圈。我扭個不停,卻停在原地。在托斯卡尼,我可以在地中海的陽光下,提著一籃李子,逍遙地走一整天。」
 
是啊!我在趕些什麼?我耗盡青春用盡全力,拚命追求身外之物,結果我真的比別人有錢、有名嗎?更重要的,我真的因此而快樂嗎?遠方有廣闊的地平線,為何我還在原地搖過時的呼拉圈?
當我重新學習法國,我發現法國和美國代表兩種截然不同的生活方式。美國人追求人定勝天,凡事要逆流而上。法國人講究和平共存,凡事順勢而為。紐約有很多一百層的摩天大樓,巴黎的房子都是三百年的古蹟。紐約不斷創新,巴黎永遠有懷舊的氣息。巴黎人在咖啡廳聊天,紐約人在咖啡廳用電腦。紐約有人潮,巴黎有味道。紐約有鈔票,巴黎有蛋糕。
 
不論是政府或個人,法國人都把精神投注在食、衣、住、行等「身內之物」。就讓美國去做老大哥吧。要征服太空、要打伊拉克、要調高利率、要發明新科技,都隨他去。法國人甘願偏安大西洋,抽菸、喝酒、看足球、搞時尚。當美國人忙出了胃潰瘍,法國人又吃了一罐鵝肝醬。
 
講到吃,法國有三百種起司、光是波爾多就有五十七個酒的產區。晚上六點朝咖啡廳門口一坐,一杯紅酒就可以聊三個小時。九點再去吃晚餐,一直吃到隔天凌晨。他們在吃上所花的時間,跟我們上班時數一樣。但諷刺的是:他們沒有「All You Can Eat」。
 
吃很重要,但也要會挑時間,朋友介紹我去試一家法國餐廳,提醒我他們禮拜二、四晚上休息。「為什麼?」我問。他說:「因為主廚要回家看足球。」
 
聰明的主廚懂法律。法國法律規定一周工作最多三十五小時,大部分的人一年有五周的假期。而美國人把加班當作自己有價值的表示,度假時還拿著手機回E-mail。法國人比美國人會玩。每年六月的巴黎音樂節,從午後到深夜,幾百場露天音樂會在各處同時舉行,人多到地鐵都暫停收費。每年十月的「白夜」,平日入夜就打烊的店面,徹夜營業到清晨七點。每年夏天,巴黎市政府在塞納河右岸布置了三段、總長一.八公里的人工海灘。細砂、吊床、躺椅、棕櫚樹,自然海灘有的景致這裡都有,讓沒有錢去海邊度假的民眾,也可以享受到海灘風光。
 
當然,法國這麼深厚的文化,不可能只從吃喝玩樂而來。美國人讀書,為了考證照。法國人讀書,為了搞情調。每年十月的讀書節,大城市的火車站內,民眾輪流上台朗誦詩句。書店營業到天明,整晚有現場演奏的樂曲。「美食書展」選在銅臭味最重的證券交易所舉辦。小鎮書展的書直接「長」在樹上,讀者必須爬到樹上,把書摘下來品嘗。
一直跟著美國走的台灣人,會心動嗎?
 
我心動了。十一月我到巴黎,一位法國朋友來接待我。臨走前我問他:「明天你要幹嘛?」
「我要去銀行。」
「然後呢?」我問。
「我不懂你的意思……」
對我來說,「去銀行」是吃完午飯後跑去辦的小事。對法國人來說,這是他一天全部的行程。法國人總是專心而緩慢的,每天把一件小事做好。
 
這樣的生活,對美國或台灣人來說,實在是太頹廢了。的確也是。法國失業率接近10%,高稅率讓雇主寧願打烊休息,免得幫員工繳稅。巴黎鬧區紙醉金迷,但郊區的少數民族卻沒有工作機會。這些都是黑暗面,但對於每日被強光烤焦的台灣人,陰暗也許提供了喘息空間。生命的終點都一樣,有錢人的喪禮只是比較多人上香。不斷的追趕只是提前衝向謝幕,為什麼不把時間花在慢慢為生命暖場?你不需要一輩子鞠躬盡瘁、死而後已。你可以偶爾伸伸懶腰、安步當車。

我從巴黎回來,台北並沒有改變。關了兩周的手機再度響起,一通電話找不到我的人會連續狂call十通。和朋友見面,他很關心地問我:「好了,你現在工作也辭了、歐洲也去了,接下來有什麼projects?」「Projects」?多麼紐約的字眼。我真想說:「好好生活,不就是人生最大的project?」但我知道在熙來攘往的台北街頭,在不到四十歲的年紀,這樣說太矯情了。況且,我今天之所以有錢有閒享受法式生活,不也正因為我曾在美式生活中得到很多利益?我仍熱愛工作、熱愛紐約,但已不用像二十歲時一樣亦步亦趨、寸步不離。
 
所以我說:「我還是會早起,白天努力寫作。但到了晚上,我想關掉手機。」世界少了我,其實無所謂。但我少了我,還剩什麼?
他笑一笑:「你這是用紐約來過白天,用巴黎來過黑夜。」
 
唉,他講得真好!這應該是一個完美的妥協吧。也許有一天,我能創造自己的「白夜」,讓白天和黑夜融合在一起。但我還沒到那個境界。
「明天星期一,你要幹嘛?」他問。
「我要去銀行。」
「然後呢?」
我張大眼睛,停頓了一下。
「然後呢?」他追問。
「然後我會摩拳擦掌,認真地寫一篇文章。」
2005/12/25

Reminisce and rejoyce for the year gone by, and...

Dear All,
 
As the year is quickly nearing the end, I would like to take a moment and wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy 2006. 
 
Thank you for the courtesies and counsel that you've kindly extended towards me in the past 365 days gone by.  I am delighted and grateful to have acquainted characters such as you--either professionally or personally, and am wishful for each of us, well being and progress alongside.
 
I've moved myself, and my extended self (hehe) completely to a new locale, finally.  Fighting for time to lead a decent home living, and life. 
 
It is my greatest pleasure, to reminisce and rejoyce the ones and the times that intercepted me, for what is supposedly, life.
 
Someone(s) made me laugh,
 
Someone(s) made me cry,
 
Someone(s) made me want to jump off Taipei 101
(bungee jumping lah),
 
Someone(s) made me want to fly...
 
and last but not least, 
 
Someone reminded me, that we all can, and do already fly...
 
What are you hoping for in the new year?
 
Have a great Christmas weekend and crouch in the last few days left of this year, for a great leap in the new year to come,
Chamie
 
P.S. A great article below, is what I hope for, in my new year.
 
 
2005/11/7

Chamie's Daily Notion--Different Worlds

November 5, 2005 by Cham
 
After busy running errands/doing chores in the evening, I had a nice walk in the park with a friend, then salsa dancing briefly, which I am so out of practice with, uh, and I do mean with both. Shouldn't have worn super space-queen high heels for either activity, that is...but had to walk off all that food.

It was a totally different world, the park. Families dancing to aborigine music, couples leaning on each other silently but contentedly with blissful expressions, aria-singing, biking middle-aged guy sharing his romantic notions through song...the ambiance is so different from the hussle and bussle in the East District of Taipei. My friend said I made an interesing observation. I think I am just keen with contrast.

2005/11/3

Chamie's Daily Notion--Oh My God?

Nov. 3, 2005 by Cham

 

OH MY GOD. What are the chances.

Last night as I was getting snacks/supplies from Hi-Life, an older man (smelled drunk) cut in front of me at the line. "No frets, thou shall be patient," I said to myself as I waited, paid, and fumbled my way out the store with my 3 bagful of stuff. Approaching the street vendors near my neighborhood, within my view I glanced at the backs of 2 women sauntering in front of me, obviously gracing the food stands. I froze for a moment and yelled out a long-lost college best friend's name like a reflex. She immediately turned her head, and simultaneously we "OH MY GOD"ed.

The miraculous thing is that I wondered about where she was in the world when I moved to TW, and there she was last night, at the right moment in time...if the man at the store didn't cut in line, I may not have seen her! She has been living in my neighborhood. How perfect is God?

Chamie's Daily Notion--Friendship

November 2, 2005 by Cham
 
Last night, after I read the LONG e-mail my friend Z sent me, I almost cried...well, I did, and the next day, too. I am so grateful for such an awesome friend in my life, yet I have been so...sigh. I wish I know what to do to bring people closer to me.

It was such a surprise, when my boss, our fearless leader, started pouring out his inner wisdom on me this morning...wow. Don't get me wrong, my boss and I are IMMUNE to each other!

Boss said he will try to stay happy whenever, and towards whatever, at work--being detached from work, is a necessity for being balanced. He also shared his thoughts about his favorite books with me and discussed great comments made by famous Chinese/western writer/businessmen. Sometimes my boss is like a child--spontaneous, funny, but OBSERVANT(which I need to be more of)! I think he's a spiritual practitioner in his own way neh...

Chamie's Daily Notion--Sweet November

Nov. 1, 2005 by Cham

 

It is the first day in Sweet November, and for Jay Chou, the Chopin in November~

I am and will be overwhelmed by work, family/friend visits and moving this month! Geez, and I thought I could meet more new friends here... 

 

*Does anyone out there who's still got tickets to the Yo-Yo Ma's Bach cello performance on 11/7th?

Chamie

2005/10/26

Metamorphosis

October 25, 2005 by Cham
 

Quote from a song by Stephanie Sun:  

I've transform the wounds into roses...the tears have re-incarnated as rain...

I've transcended our dialogues into eternal indelible marks...

I've turn the wordless exit into a compliment;

realizing unworthiness, suddenly, you felt inferior and withdrew your presence;

Silence turned into repentence,

We had nothing to step down to, and could only become speechless...

my tears were written into a poem, no matter, for you to taste-after;

the words do not make us drunken, we are so, as we choose to be so...

 

Know that, it's not your fault that the lover left, and it's his loss, because he just doesn't deserve you.  

Don't be afraid of what is to come, "metamorphosis", or evolve for a better tomorrow...

"After all, tomorrow is another day~"--Scarlet O'Hara 

2005/10/16

Why Build a Brand?

October 12, 2005
 
When I read the below words quoted from a brand book of a certain reputable company, I felt the simple power expressed through symbolism and language, not just applicable for a business, but also towards life.  
 
I was matter-of-factly reminded of someone I knew, who claims to do branding for a living, but does not seem to be living as his claimed branding...--Cham
 
A brand is a relationship.
A brand is a reputation.
A brand is a set of expectations.
A brand is a promise.
 
A healthy, strong brand drives differentiation, preference and consideration.
These are the lead indicators of future business performance and enable us to deliver sustainable organic growth.
2005/10/3

Selfishness and Selflessness 自私 與 無我

September 29, 2005 by Cham
 
Those who protect themselves from other people, distrust others, or take advantage of other people's physical and emotional wealth, do not love anyone, including themselves.  They choose to forsake the opportunity to truly love and evolve by avoiding the possible troubles and pains of life.
 
They often complain while feeling empty inside, and impose their self-centered wills on others at the expense of other people's suffering in order to fill that emptiness.   They do not realize that their selfishness is exactly what makes them feel the "separation." 
 
They choose the easy way out--trying to manipulate, dominate or control those they think they can.  Little do they know, that their own growth and transcendance are hindered by their selfish habits, for they deny the challenges with the ones who tip them off balance--the struggles needed to prompt the discovery of who they really are.
 
Self-lessness is what one becomes when one wills to connect to the greater whole through individuals.
 
In better words:
為什麼我們的世界那麼苦?因為我們要了解人家的苦心,我們心量才擴大。心越擴大我們越偉大,我們越變成跟萬物同一體。如果我們還有隔開的感覺,還是只想我們自己而已,我們就沒辦法跟萬物同一體。--SMCH
 
 如果我們沒有受很多苦,我們不知道痛苦是什麼,如果不知道痛苦是什麼,就很難去同情別人。如果我們不同情又批評這些人,以後我們也會受這種苦,藉以學習它的真義,有時就是用那種方式,所以我們受苦不是沒有原因的,也許在前世我們沒學好同情心的功課,也許我們對同類沒有同情心,所以這一世,我們必須受一點苦,為了知道痛苦是什麼,懂嗎?很少人不經過受苦就具有同情心,如果沒有親身受苦,就能非常同情其他種類的眾生,那麼我們很幸運,我們的生活就會免去許多痛苦。

--SMCH以英文講於馬來西亞共修會1991.2.6

 

2005/9/11

粉紫色

 
粉紫色
 是
 純白天真聖潔
 與
 紅色狂野不羈
成的一點
粉紅甜美浪漫
調合
淡藍悠雅理智